PLAYING THE PART
Isn’t it weird that when one associates with the outside world, there is often a mask we have to remember to put on when leaving the comfort of home. To remember to keep up that high-pitched tone which can be the easiest form of people pleasing and faking sweetness, remembering to always laugh at other people’s jokes and to always say the right thing. Nobody truly knows that you’re just a people pleasing bitch filled with internal monologues, attempting to not hate everyone for the first time. God forbid they see the real and more relaxed you.
Either you can relate or it’s just me. I don’t exactly know how to be comfortable in the outside world but I can understand when I am told I look as if I am “comfortable”. I’m the queen of faking it – what can I say?
Don’t get me wrong, I come across a lot of interesting characters and some wonderful people, but the further you analyse, the further you realise you have to keep up this façade because you really don’t like many people the more you get to know them. I’d rather know the surface, the more likable side to one and only know that far. Keeping it fun and lively always. I sometimes feel like I see deeper than I would like and man it is not helpful – noticing that much and a few drinks down, I’m stirring the pot left right and centre, remaining the only one having a good time. A loud mouth that notices too much is just a recipe for disaster, and I am the loud mouth in question!
After being told I perhaps come off a little too rude, here are top tips that were shared with me for survival (or just be your distasteful self):
1) “Always speak with a soft voice”:
For those who are perceived the way I am, I survived with excessively using “please” and “thank you”. I cringed at myself every time but it kept my mask firmly on, especially in the working environment. The only instance when the use of this terminology does not leave my insides crawling up is when speaking to waiters and waitresses.
2) “In one ear and out the other” :
Everyone around you will fail to be respectful and will be so unreasonably anti-PC. Cringe on the inside, and allow it to enter one ear and leave out the other. You cannot fix this world and enforce that we are all respectful as we never know who will be offended by what. I used to attempt correcting such people and it filled me with misery as I’d often have to explain why it is important to be respectful – although I would assume it is self-explanatory, until I learnt that ignorance is bliss. This is to be ignored if you consider yourself to have thicker skin. Mine easily cracks, so I lather up with coco butter and ignorance - smiling through it still kills me on the inside.
3) “Observe more than being observed” :
You will always be observed but remember to observe too so you know where and when you can let your mask slip a little. Now this was a little difficult for myself, given my reputation for talking “too much”. I guess as time has passed, I started to care less, so despite subconsciously observing everything, I’m so okay to be observed when I allow my mask to slip on a Friday night, where I tend to overly emphasise that I am very gay because of how straight I have behaved throughout the week so that I fit in. One would advise that you join the company of those that drink but remain sober. I got bored of that so allow myself to enjoy a few drinks or more and show that bitchy side of me, wake up with embarrassment for a quick minute, pop an anti-depressant and remind myself that we all die eventually so who really cares.
4) “Act oblivious”:
When you notice that creepy colleague or man in your environment, or have to sit through uncomfortable jokes, act oblivious, as if this individual is not entitled to enter your world. Or “make a scene” and have yourself drown in further discomfort over having to justify that he really was acting in a manner that would make you uncomfortable. The explaining won’t stop here because the poor man “didn’t mean it in that way” and you’re just taking things in the wrong way because people “know him”. At least this is what I was told for survival and the silence only made me internally sick but externally perfect.
5) “Don’t get political”:
Never speak politics or how you notice the lack of inequality around you. Humans thrive in an environment filled with inequality whilst each plays their own game at attaining power and hopefully becoming the head of common judgement. Such as how an environment seems to be so conveniently ‘White ridden” or how nobody opens their mouth about the Israel Palestine conflict (or genocide if you really want me to be honest) because we live in a privileged world and why would issues that don’t affect us bother us?
Anyways, I share these tactics but openly express that once Friday rolls around, I get exhausted of wearing the mask and drop it anyways, because unless I’m being paid to put my mask on, I frankly don’t care. I’m okay to be that embarrassing bitch who is having a fun time whilst being sat on the throne that welcomes the most googly eyes filled with judgement.
